How to Perform a Shiho Nage in Defense Against Ryote Kubi Dai in Aikido

Here is a guide on how to perform a Shiho Nage or “Four Direction Throw” in response to a Ryote Kubi Dai or “Both Wrist Clench”. The defender, known as “nage”, meets the attack from behind, is grabbed by the wrists, and twists, breaking the hold, twisting the attacker “uke’s” arm, and forces him to the ground.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space

Attacker

Defender

Soft Mats to Cushion Falls

Ryote Kubi Dai-Shiho Nage
Step 1:
Allow your opponent to approach. He will do so quickly angled as if he were walking past you. As he walks by he will snag one of your wrists and spin around behind you, grabbing the other to complete the Ryote Kubi Dai. Make it difficult for him to try anything else by hunching forward and pulling your hands in together toward your pelvis. This will force him to widen his stance and press up against your back, which is exactly what you want him to do.

Step 2:
Press your palms apart and raise your hands sharply as if a police officer just ordered you to put your hands up at gunpoint. Arch your left hand over to the right, above your head, and cock your right arm out to the side. If you were to draw a vertical line straight down from your left hand, your right hand would touch it. Turn your body clockwise, underneath your hands, so your right shoulder is pointing at your opponent.

Step 3:
Twist your right hand around in your opponent’s grasp, locking onto your opponent’s wrist just as he is holding yours. Pull your left hand down to grab hold of that same wrist, further up the forearm, behind your right hand. Turn further so you are facing past your opponent’s left side and take a sharp step forward, driving forward with your hands, violently pulling your opponent’s arm with you, forcing his body to turn as well.

Step 4:
Duck your head and twist your opponent’s arm in an arc. It should be down near your left side. What you want to do is twist it while pulling it up over your head and down to your right side. You will probably have to shift in a quarter turn to the right as you do this.

Step 5:
Press the hand of the arm that you are twisting straight to the ground. As your opponent’s arm is twist upside down and partially behind his back, he will be unable to keep his balance and fall immediately to his back. Force your opponent to submit by keeping up the pressure while he’s on the ground. Do this by pressing the back of your opponent’s hand flat against the matt, push it inward toward his shoulder to cause stress on the joints of the arm.

How to Perform a Shiho Nage in Defense against a Shomen Uchi Strike in Aikido

Aikido is a Japanese martial art made up of a vast wealth of throws and grappling moves. It was devised by Morihei Ueshiba in the early 1900s. This was an alternative to the older martial art known as Jujitsu, which was very effective and similar in style to Aikido. The difference between the two martial arts was the mindset driving them. In Jujitsu a defender prevents his opponent from doing harm by employing joint locks and counterattacks which would cause permanent crippling damage to the attacker. Aikido is a more forgiving martial art in that any damage it does to an attacker is temporary, usually just being pressure applied to a joint causing pain to force an attacker to submit. Aikido means, “The Way of The Harmonious Spirit”, and works to redirect an attacker’s energy and momentum against himself. In this way it is effective against any opponent, regardless of any difference in size and strength between the two combatants. Here is a guide explaining how to perform a Shiho Nage or “Four Direction Throw” in response to a Shomen Uchi or “Bladed Strike” in Aikido.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space

Attacker

Defender

Soft Mats to Cushion Falls.

Step 1:
Begin standing roughly three feet away from your opponent. The Shomen Uchi Strike can be performed with our without the presence of a knife. As the presence of a knife would present a confounding variable to these instructions despite the fact that their content would be unchanged, we will assume your opponent is unarmed. Your opponent well step forward forming his right hand into a flat blade and bringing it down in an overhand chop aimed at your head or neck.

Step 2:
Cross your arms at the wrist and catch your opponent’s descending lower forearm in the top X they form. Latch onto the exterior of your opponent’s hand with your left hand and his lower forearm with your right.

Step 3:
Roll your opponent’s arm down in an underhanded arc while turning to face to the right. Make sure to bring the arm up in front of you to chest level. This will begin to twist your opponent’s arm inward.

Step 4:
Complete the twist by raising the arm up and passing it over your head, turning to face the opposite direction as you do so. Just to recap your opponent should be in front of you off your right shoulder. Switch your grip to hold only his hand and, while it is twisted, press the inside of his wrist against the top of his right shoulder, letting his hand protrude past the back.

Step 5:
Bend at the knees and pull his hand downward to drive him backward off balance. Continue to guide the hand down and your opponent will drop to the floor on his back.

How to Perform a Dai Yonkyo in Defense Against a Shomen Uchi in Aikido

Here is a guide detailing how to perform a Dai Yonkyo in defense against a Shomen Uchi or “Bladed Strike”. Dai Yonkyo translates as “fourth set”. Aikido has a very well structured set of combat techniques. Dai Yonkyo is the fourth set of the Gokyo No Waza, or “Teachings of Techniques”. There are 8 groups of the Gokyo No Waza comprising over 40 defensive locks, throws, and holds. Each group comprises a higher difficulty level than the one prior; every martial artist must master each group in turn to advance in level. In this context Dai Yonkyo means that this technique is from the fourth group and is the set response to a Shomen Uchi for that degree of difficulty.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space

Sparring Partner

Padded Floor Mats

Performing Shomen Uchi - Dai Yonkyo
Step 1:
Face your opponent from a distance of no greater than three feet. He will raise his right arm up into the air and lunge forward, attempting to bring the arm down in a chop. Step in to meet the charge, grabbing the wrist with your left hand and the elbow with your right hand while the arm is still high in the air.

Step 2:
Sweep the arm down in an arc passing down the midline of your opponent’s body, leading with the wrist. Bring the wrist down to your opponent’s right side and sidestep around behind him. Turn to place your back against your opponent’s back and then pull your opponent’s arm in a straight line to your right as hard as you are able. This will spin your opponent around like a top to land on his knees at your feet. This is called a tenkan and is useful in dizzying your opponent to make him more pliable for a submissive hold.

Step 3:
Force your opponent back to his feet by twisting his arm clockwise so the back of the elbow faces directly upward. Shift your grip so that your right hand holds the back of his hand and your left clenches the wrist.

Step 4:
Step backward and to your opponent’s left with your left foot. Pivot on that foot in a full 360 degree clockwise spin, taking your opponent with you. Remember to lead with your opponent’s arm and bend at the waist, forcing your opponent to turn while bent forward, eventually leaving him sprawled face down on the ground. This ends the Dai Yonkyo.

How to Perform a Dai Gokyo in Response to a Shomen Uchi in Aikido

Aikido is a Japanese martial art comprised primarily of throws and joint locks. It was devised by Morihei Ueshiba in the early 1900s as a safer alternative to Jujitsu, which utilizes throws and joint locks that damage, permanently injure, or even kill whoever has been unlucky enough to be subjected to it. Roughly translated, Aikido means, “The Way of The Harmonious Spirit”, and attempts to redirect an attacker’s energy and momentum against himself. For this to work both the attacker and defender must be acting in concert, like a pair of dancers. Typically the defender, known as “nage” is the more experienced of the pair as he/she must read an opponent’s movements and react to the attacker, known as “uke”. Here is a guide detailing how to defend against a “Shomen Uchi”, or Bladed Strike, with a Dai Gokyo, or Arm Stretch. The term Arm Stretch refers to the defender stretching the joints of his opponent’s arm. This technique is used to immobilize an attacker armed with a knife and force him/her to release the weapon.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space

Practice Knife

Attacker

Defender

Soft Mats to Cushion Falls.

Performing Shomen Uchi-Dai Gokyo
Step 1:
Begin facing your opponent in a natural standing position. As in much of Aikido, you should be spaced at least four feet from your opponent. Your opponent will be holding the knife in a backhanded grip, meaning the blade is pointing downward from the bottom of the fist. The Shomen Uchi strike will be performed by your opponent taking two sharp steps forward while bringing the knife up and out to be held in a manner similar to many of the killers in the B horror films from the 50s. The upper arm will be out to the side horizontally, while the lower arm will be raised vertically. Upon closing the range to you your opponent will drive the knife down at the point where the neck meets the shoulders in a diagonal chopping motion. Of course if you have time to see all this it is far too late to do anything about it. You will have to act before your opponent begins to approach and before he/she brings the knife forward beyond his/her body.

Step 2:
Step forward while your opponent’s knife is still extended mostly out to the side, in the wind up position prior to the strike. Rush forward toward the outstretched arm, not the body. Stop the forward motion of the strike by meeting the arm with the flats of your hands.

Step 3:
Grab the wrist firmly in your right hand, making sure that you invert your hand upon doing so. Both your elbow and thumb should be pointed upward when taking hold of the wrist. From this position you can simply extend your arm out to your right to bring your hand right side up. By doing this you invert your opponent’s arm and force him to turn counterclockwise, somewhere off to your left.

Step 4:
Grip the arm in your left hand at the elbow and turn to your right, walking in a semicircle around your opponent to force him to come with you, extending his body. The back of your opponent’s hand should be facing the ground, the arm at full extension from the right side of the body. While walking forward take up a kneeling position and force the back of the hand as well as the length of the arm flat against the ground to bring your opponent flat on his chest.

Step 5:
Raise your opponent’s upper arm off the ground, fitting the lower arm inward so it stand vertically propping up the right side of the body. The back of the hand should be pressed flat against the ground, kinking the wrist as well as the elbow. Press down on the top of the elbow while pressing the inside of the wrist inward toward the body to exert painful pressure on these joints, causing the hand to spontaneously open. Remove the knife from the palm of the hand, throwing it away or using to finish your opponent.

How to Perform a Tenbin Nage in Response to a Yokomen Uchi Strike in Aikido

Here is a guide on how to perform a Tenbin Nage or “Elbow Throw” in response to a Yokomen Uchi or “Side of the head” strike.

Step 1: Face your opponent directly, roughly three to four feet apart. Keep your weight on the balls of your feet and your legs at shoulder width. Your opponent should approach directly with two long steps raising his right hand high and bringing it down in a diagonal strike which he would aim at the side of you neck.

Step 2: Sidestep to your right, rotating to keep your body facing your opponent. This will force your opponent to pivot and attempt to continue his side hand strike. Raise your open hands to lightly grab a hold of the attacker’s arm at the wrist and lower forearm. Guide it down to stop directly in front of you roughly below the level of your waist.

Step 3: Take firm hold of your attacker’s wrist with your right hand and pull your opponent’s arm out to your right as far as you are able. This will force him to turn his back toward you.

Step 4: Step in and slide your left arm up underneath your opponent’s right armpit. Force your shoulder into the hollow of the armpit, lifting with your legs and waist while pushing forward to raise your opponent’s weight and center of balance and push it forward.

Step 5: Lean forward at the waist and shrug your shoulders while pulling his right arm back toward your right side to throw your opponent forward into a shoulder roll. Be sure to lightly guide him forward using his right arm, but do not maintain a firm hold of it after the roll has begun to avoid accidentally harming your opponent’s wrist, elbow, or shoulder joint.

Writing Sample Employment Scams

One of the more frustrating scams a writer can come across involves the hiring process. It’s quite simple and nearly impossible to determine from a legitimate job offer.

Occasionally an online employer may anticipate a high number of job applicants. To avoid going through all the applicants’ resumes and emails the employer comes up with a sample assignment. The assignment is given to all of the applicants and whoever best completes the writing assignment gets the job.

Speaking from personal experience, writers hate this process. I send in over 2 dozen applications a week and the majority of them I never hear back from. If I had to write up a sample for every one of those applications I’d never get anything done. Simply put, this process is a time waster for the vast majority of job applicants. Only one person gets the job, the other couple thousand writers just worked a few hours for free and will be completely unable to use the material they wrote for publication elsewhere.

As frustrating as it is, if a writer is desperate enough for the money, which pretty much sums up every member of the profession, he/she will do it anyway and write the damn sample. Herein lies the capacity for someone to take advantage of you.

A good scammer will know his/her mark. The scammer will know that writers are used to being turned down and rejected, putting in applications and still attempting to find work in the face of insurmountable odds. At times I don’t know if that makes us stubborn or stupid, probably a little of both. In any case, this presents the perfect opportunity to run a foolproof and almost undetectable low-key scam.

The scammer takes on a number of automated bottom-rung writing jobs like the kind that can be found on Textbroker. He then uses Craigslist or another job forum and writes up a post looking for writers. The post includes mention of a decent paycheck, acceptable telecommuting, and loose deadlines for basic informative or copy (advertisement) writing. The post also says that a sample essay will be required prior to hiring.

Whenever a writer applies for the job, the scammer provides them with a unique assignment from Textbroker. The writer, not knowing the assignment is not identical to what other writers will receive, will complete the assignment to the best of his/her ability and submit it to the scammer posing as an employer.

The scammer simply turns in the writer’s work as his own, making a couple bucks for his trouble from Textbroker. The writer never hears back from the employer and assumes he/she was turned down for the position like usual.

This may seem like an awful lot of work for the scammer to go through for a few bucks, but let’s think in terms of bulk. There are thousands of online freelance writers applying for jobs like the one I’ve described every day. If each one wrote an assignment that ended up paying $2 that would total several thousand dollars worth of work that the scammer got for free over the course of a couple days.

While this type of scam does not take much from the individual writer, it is still a violation of one’s trust and theft of one’s work. To make matters worse, there is absolutely nothing which can be done to detect this type of scam as it follows the exact same channels as legitimate employers.

The only way to avoid being taken in by such a scam is to refuse to apply for any job which requires you to write a sample article specified by the employer. This of course will negate any possibility for employment if the offer turned out to be genuine. Whether or not you want to take the risk of having your material stolen is entirely up to you.

Performing an Irimi Nage in Defense Against a Morote Dori in Aikido

Here is a guide on how to perform an Irimi Nage or “Opening Throw” in response to a Morote Dori. This attack has no literal equivalent translation, but is generally considered to mean “both hands grasping one wrist”. The Morote Dori is done immediately prior to a joint lock, focusing on either the shoulder or the elbow. The Irimi Nage is done as an initial defense to warn off an opponent and give him/her a chance to back down rather than continue the attack.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space

Attacker

Defender S

oft Mats to Cushion Falls

Executing a Morote Dori-Irimi Nage
Step 1: Begin by allowing your opponent to grab your wrist with both hands. One hand should be placed tightly over the other, similar to the way a baseball bat is held. Respond to this by rolling your right arm in a clockwise circle. By doing this you force your opponent to twist his hands, and by proxy his arms, right over left.

Step 2: Step forward and around your opponent’s exposed right shoulder to face his back. Reach around and grab him back the back of the neck with your left hand. Lightly grasp his right wrist with your right hand and pull your opponent bodily to your right in a quarter circle.

Step 3: Reverse the direction of your pull as swiftly and as hard as you are able. Switch the grip of your right hand to the top of his left shoulder and throw him directly ahead of you, shoving as hard as you can upon release. Your opponent should not roll, but instead fall backward to land on his back or rump. This is the result of suddenly changing the direction in which he was being moved. By pulling him to your right, the direction he was facing, he was just regaining his balance and adjusting to the forward momentum. By switching his direction, the fact that he was adjusted to moving forward works against, magnifying the force which you imparted by shoving him backward.

How to Execute a Dai Sankyo in Response to a Katate Dori Attack in Aikido

As you may or may not know Aikido is a relatively new martial art. It was developed in the early 1900s by Morihei Ueshiba, also known as Kaiso, meaning “founder” or Osensei, meaning “Great Teacher”. Prior to his invention, the prevalent form of martial art in Japan was either Karate, a style primarily utilizing kicks and punches, and Jujitsu. Jujistu was and still is a particularly brutal grappling form of combat that involves the use of joint locks, joint breaks, and throws. All of these do a terrible amount of harm to the opponent when used. It mas Osensei's wish to develop a form of self defense which minimized harm to both attacker and defender without compromising the efficacy of the martial art.

Aikido is what resulted from his efforts. It focuses on throws and joint locks, redirecting the opponent's momentum in such a manner as to throw or immobilize him/her without doing any lasting harm.

Here is a guide on how to perform a Dai Sankyo in response to a Katate Dori or “Wrist Grab”. The meaning of Dai Sankyo does not translate well into English, the literal meaning is “Third Group” and is a reference to a group of possible responses dependent on what part of the defender’s body the attacker attempts to grab. This is not a throw, instead it is a submissive lock designed to draw your opponent off guard and then force him to the floor. The manner in which the opponent is held is too painful, though not at all damaging, to allow him/her to attempt to fight back or work his/her way out of the hold.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space

Attacker

Defender

Soft Mats to Cushion Falls

Step 1:
Face your opponent and allow him to take a deep stride forward to grab the outside of your left wrist with his right hand. This is the Katate Dori and is not in and of itself dangerous. It will however, lead to an uncomfortable throw or joint lock if you give your opponent time to follow through with his left hand.

Step 2:
Take a step inward and to your left in order to open distance between you and your opponent’s left hand. Follow this with an utemi as you step forward. An utemi is a short, sharp punch to the face intended to unbalance and disorient an opponent.

Step 3:
Raise your left hand above your head and step forward, under it, past your opponent while turning so that you finish facing the opposite direction. Doing this will twist your opponent’s arm inward while placing your body in the best place to take advantage of this.

Step 4:
Grab your attacker’s fist with your right hand to prevent him from pulling away from you and reposition your left hand so that you are the one now holding him by the wrist. Twist his arm until the elbow is pointing straight up. Push his fist inward toward the side of his body while lifting the lower forearm. This will cause minor pain but will also let your attacker know that you are the one in control at this point.

Step 5:
Keep the pressure on the arm while guiding it down to point toward the floor. Drop your knees and pull downward and away from your attacker’s front to guide him onto his knees and then flat on his face.

Step 6:
Twist the attacker’s arm tightly behind his back, place your left knee on the small of his back and apply steady pressure to the arm until your opponent submits.

Direct Publisher Scams and Frauds

Well folks, I ran into another interesting fraud just yesterday. I was applying for work through one of the job boards I frequent and got an offer about an hour after I finished sending in my applications.

Roughly an hour after sending an email is a good time for a con artist to send a reply. Most scam mailers are set to respond immediately after getting an email and these can be easily disregarded out of hand. But by waiting an hour the scammer gets within the time range of an actual employer and usually the most lucrative of the lot, a harried editor with a deadline hanging of his head. This means he’ll hire quickly and accept any standard of work as long as it has the right tone and takes up space. This is the best type of employer for a quick buck to a writer, so the scammer does a decent job of setting up the mark’s expectations.

When I scanned the email I realized it for what it was. First of all, there was far too much verbiage for a real job offer. A real employer typically gives one or two paragraphs the most, the majority of which entails what the employer expects of the writer. If any assurances are given or pay is mentioned, you should be a little suspicious, though this is not necessarily proof of a scam in and of itself.

Another fault the scammer made was the tone of the letter. It was far too positive and upbeat. Writers are by nature a skeptical and cynical lot. If the tone had indicated that the job was thankless dog’s work, then it might’ve seemed more legitimate.

Certain keywords should also be watched out for. Assurances such as “This is legitimate” or “this is not a scam” should be taken as strong indicators of a conscience trying to justify one’s actions. This means that there is definitely something wrong.

The biggest indicator that I saw was the USE OF CAPS and exclamation points!!! Real employers never do that. Twelve year olds flaming one another on forums do that. Car salesman and bad homemade advertisements do that. Spammers do that. Employers, by dint of being the ones with money and available work in a poor economy, will never be short of employees. The legitimate or decent paying positions need never resort to this tactic.

Despite all this the job itself was well described and not so over-the-top as to be immediately dismissed. Four hours of solid work at the computer each day. Flexible hours but had to be accurate and reliable, as well as html and basic computer function savvy. The pay was a little too high at $20 an hour to seem legitimate, but not so high for even the gullible to turn away from.

When in this situation the best thought to keep in one’s mind is “Where’s the money?” Getting free work out of an employee is typically not enough for someone to set up an employment fraud, so there has to be some way for the employee to get money out of you. I found it in smaller type at the bottom of the message. Upon employment the employee would be under a probationary period where pay would be withheld for a given period. The reason they gave for this is that this job is just one of many that the parent company lists in its patent “Secret Little Black Book” of telecommuting job leads, available for a one time payment of $19.99

If the employee liked the job up to that point they would be required to buy a copy of the book by mail order. Then and only then does the employer promise payment, which I highly doubt would ever occur. What’s worse, if you were gullible enough to pay with a credit or debit card, you might find that information was stolen and used to run up a huge bill before the end of the day.

My suspicions were confirmed when I went to their parent website, which made no mention of any job and only sold the book. A picture of the book was the site’s centerpiece, badly photoshopped I might add. Now why on earth would a site dedicated to selling a “revolutionary” piece of literature containing hundreds of leads on good telecommuting jobs not have a copy of said book of hand to post, instead making do with a badly digitized version?

I deleted the message of course, only to receive a follow-up mailer today offering the book to me outright for $19.99. Bottom line, this is an old mail fraud with a modern twist. It comes off trying to look like a legitimate job offer. I’ve no doubt a fair amount of work was put into it in order to make the mark feel as if she/he’s actually employed in a real job for the first week or two. One may even feel as if the viewpoint I espouse is overly harsh and cynical, and should give people the benefit of the doubt, this job offer being a case in point. Unfortunately this mindset of mine is one that has been learned through many bad experiences.

I once felt that everyone deserved a chance and should be offered that chance. I went out of my way to help people I considered friends as well as those I was only passingly acquainted with every helping hand I possibly could. In that time not one person truly deserved the chance for self or financial improvement that my presence and support might’ve given. Every time I was taken for every penny I had, losing many thousands of dollars I’d earned working minimum wage jobs as well as hundreds of man hours, weeks if not months of my life being stung along that I will never get back.

I write this in the hopes that I can help prevent somebody out there from experiencing the same loss and sadness which I did. Sadly it seems some people can’t just take someone else’s word for it, and must experience the hurt for themselves. If that’s the person you are, a so called optimist, then by all means apply to this job, order this book and prove me wrong. I would dearly like to be able to trust someone again.

The question is will I be able to take your word for it?

How to Perform a Shiho Nage in Defense Against Ryote Kubi Dai in Aikido

I find that have been doing quite a few martial arts articles as of late. Say what you like about the country, it's ignorance, and it's apathy. The second the topic comes to hurting people in new and interesting ways, we're all ears. I think I'll be starting off with a short series of Aikido. This is primarily for self defense purposes and will run independently from my series on internet job scams, other works on different forms of martial arts, as well as my occasional incomprehensibly rant.

Aikido is made up of a vast wealth of throws and grappling moves, each corresponding to a particular form of attack. The philosophy behind this martial art is that both the defender and attacker should be moving in concert. To do this requires a great deal of work and practice for the defender as he must identify his opponent’s attack and respond with the correct defense. Here is a guide on how to perform a Shiho Nage or “Four Direction Throw” in response to a Ryote Kubi Dai or “Both Wrist Clench”. The defender, known as “nage”, meets the attack from behind, is grabbed by the wrists, and twists, breaking the hold, twisting the attacker “uke’s” arm, and forces him to the ground.

Things You'll Need:
Practice Space
Attacker
Defender
Soft Mats to Cushion Falls

Step 1:
Allow your opponent to approach. He will do so quickly angled as if he were walking past you. As he walks by he will snag one of your wrists and spin around behind you, grabbing the other to complete the Ryote Kubi Dai. Make it difficult for him to try anything else by hunching forward and pulling your hands in together toward your pelvis. This will force him to widen his stance and press up against your back, which is exactly what you want him to do.

Step 2:
Press your palms apart and raise your hands sharply as if a police officer just ordered you to put your hands up at gunpoint. Arch your left hand over to the right, above your head, and cock your right arm out to the side. If you were to draw a vertical line straight down from your left hand, your right hand would touch it. Turn your body clockwise, underneath your hands, so your right shoulder is pointing at your opponent.

Step 3:
Twist your right hand around in your opponent’s grasp, locking onto your opponent’s wrist just as he is holding yours. Pull your left hand down to grab hold of that same wrist, further up the forearm, behind your right hand. Turn further so you are facing past your opponent’s left side and take a sharp step forward, driving forward with your hands, violently pulling your opponent’s arm with you, forcing his body to turn as well.

Step 4:
Duck your head and twist your opponent’s arm in an arc. It should be down near your left side. What you want to do is twist it while pulling it up over your head and down to your right side. You will probably have to shift in a quarter turn to the right as you do this.

Step 5:
Press the hand of the arm that you are twisting straight to the ground. As your opponent’s arm is twist upside down and partially behind his back, he will be unable to keep his balance and fall immediately to his back. Force your opponent to submit by keeping up the pressure while he’s on the ground. Do this by pressing the back of your opponent’s hand flat against the matt, push it inward toward his shoulder to cause stress on the joints of the arm.

Warhammer and Turtles in Need of Therapy

Those who've been following this blog may have noticed that I haven't posted for over a week now. It's alright I'm not dead, just dead to the world. The reason being is that the MMORPG Warhammer Online launched their servers just yesterday. Prior to that I was beta testing for them.

Many people may not be familiar with the Warhammer genre. It started out as a very intricate tabletop warfare game in the early 1980s in the UK and has just gotten bigger and bigger ever since. They have developed quite a following in the US over the last decade with the publication of many high fantasy and science fiction novels that follow the characters throughout the Warhammer universe. They diversified their games as well, introducing a futuristic science fiction version called Warhammer 40,000 as well as many others since then.

I have been hooked since I first discovered Warhammer almost 12 years ago. I bought a couple of the novels by accident and after reading them all from cover to cover in the space of a day, I had to know more. I bought the codexes, learned the rules, found a local tournament, and entered my newfound plastic and pewter army. Needless to say I got my tail kicked inside of half an hour, but I still enjoyed the game very much. What I really loved was the attention to detail and devotion that the writers, artists, and designers put into the gaming system as well as all the peripherals. It's dark and gritty. There are dozens of factions working at cross purposes. The characters are entertaining and lifelike. What's best is that there's so much room for addition and improvement. The way all their doctrine and backstory is designed, any writer can come along and make his own contribution.

They actively encourage such contribution as well, which is why I'm working on a standalone novel taking place in the Warhammer 40,000 universe. Coincidentally, it should be complete by the year 40,000 as well. So far it's only for my own enjoyment, though a very real possibility that it will published upon completion exists. Until then I still need to make a living. It's hard to work writing all day long and then sit down and make myself write on my off time for my own enjoyment. It's really easy to burn out that way.

In any case, suffice to say, I've been waiting for the completion of Warhammer Online for 3 years now. I cannot express my dissapointment at the game once it was released. During development Mythic promised 4 classes of character were to be playable for each of the 6 races in the game. They say that in order to meet their own deadline, they had to cut one class from 4 of the game's races. I have been waiting 3 years to play as the characters that they cut at the last minute! What's worse, they're lying to the public. Screenshots and playable demos of the characters that were cut were disseminated over a full year ago. Any mention of this has since been removed from their official website, though personal websites will still have this data if you look hard enough. They had all the game's classes ready to go almost a full year ago!

Why cut them then? Simple. Money. The developers know that Warhammer is a known and much loved title, over a million preorders were made in the first week alone. In order to make extra cash off of these people, myself included, Mythic has deliberately removed portions of gameplay from the online experience so that they can be sold as an expansion pack in the near future. Doing this ensures that they get paid twice.

As much as I hate them for it, the game is still incredibly fun and addictive. Many people are saying that it's another World of Warcraft Clone. I disagree. The players are knowledgable, courteous, and well spoken. The crafts are simple and pay immediate dividends. Travel is more easily expedited. Better yet, each class of each race, though performing equivalent overall functions, is unique; possessing their own traits and style of play that ensures playing the same class doesn't get old.

With that said I will get on to the point of this post. I'd like to tell a little story, all of which is comepletely true. Today I went to see my psychiatrist, as I do every few months to get refills on my medications, mainly anti-anxiety meds. Better living through chemistry and all that. It was a pleasant visit as I've known the therapist for half my life and he's always taken a genuine interest in my life and welfare. In any case I'm out the door of the office, which is part of an outdoor concrete pavilion in the middle of Melbourne, a pretty good sized city by Florida standards.

I hear an odd hiss to my right as I take a step out the door, and freeze, thinking it might be a snake. Snakes are all over the place here in Florida. Most of them are non-venemous, the only ones you have to watch out for are the Coral Snake and Rattle Snake. However, even the non-venemous snakes will attack and leave a nasty bite when they've a mind to.

I look down and see a gigantic turtle sitting there! This sucker was huge, easily two feet long and a foot wide. It hisses at me and retracts up into it's shell and I'm standing there speechless. It's sitting there, not moving, and I'm looking around wondering where the heck it came from. The pavilion is no where near any empty lots or marshes. The nearest retention pond is more than a mile distant past freeway traffic. Even the sidewalk is raised a half foot above street level, well above it's ability to climb. The nearest ramp is over a hundred yards away too. How the heck could this turtle be here?

I've still the got the office door open and the receptionist, who I've known for 5 or 6 years, asks what's wrong. I turn to her and say "There's a turtle on the walkway".

She looks at me, eyes narrowed and asks "What medications are you on again?"

"Hah-hah, very funny" I say. "Seriously, there's a huge turtle just sitting here, come look".

She comes out from behind her desk and steps around me. As soon as the turtle sees her it hisses and snaps at her, though it didn't have the snout of a snapping turtle. She nearly jumps out of her skin and then laughs at herself for being so skittish.

"Could it be someone's pet?" she asks.

"I don't think so. Look" I said, pointing to it's shell. "It's covered with grass and lichens".

"Well what should we do about it?" she asks.

"Set it out of the way of the door, I guess" is my reply.

It was sitting right in front of the front door of the office next to the psychiatrist's which happens to be a speech therapy clinic. As I go to pick up the turtle a small boy comes to look out the glass panels of the speech clinic door. He points at the the turtle, eyes wide, and starts stuttering "tu-t-t-t-t-tur-turt". I stand there, waiting for him to finish... and he never does. I goes on and on for about two minutes before me and the receptionist turn away and set the turtle inside, trying to hold it in as long as we could. We go back into the psychiatrist's empty waiting room and bust out laughing. I nearly passed out from lack of breath.

It would've been mean to laugh at someone for stuttering, it's not something done deliberately after all. But there was something about the situation that was so absurd that we couldn't help ourselves.

After about a minute the receptionist is slumped in her chair and trying to get her breath back when the psychiatrist walks into the waiting room. He's gotta be the most calm and collected guy in the world, not serious, but not the type to joke either. He looks at the two of us and deadpans "Alright, which one of you stole my prescription pad?".

We howled at that. When we calmed down long enough to explain what had happened he chuckled, which was the first time I'd ever seen that, and suggested "Maybe the turtle had an appointment with the speech therapist. He might've been lisping, not hissing"

Needless to say that started us going for the third and final time before I said goodbye and drove home. I don't know why, but the strangest things tend to happen whenever I go to see that guy.

My life, foibles, failures, pains, and anime (for some reason)

I’d like to take this opportunity to lend a little personal insight on a form of art and entertainment I’ve only recently been introduced to, anime. In order to fully do so I feel I must divulge a bit about myself along the way. I apologize if it rambles from one subject to another, but it’s a bit difficult to sum up the major experiences of one’s life in just a few short pages.

My younger brother came by my home several days ago and brought along a few DVDs of a series called Hellsing. I am a fan of Japanese and Eastern style art and music and have been for many years. My previous experiences with anime had been watered down television series like Pokemon and One Piece. These tend to be aimed at children from the age of 6 to 12 so it’s all pretty basic. I was thoroughly blown away by the intricate storylines and adult concepts that various anime portray and have become a bit of an addict over the last few weeks.

Netflix on Demand is a wonderful thing and I usually spend an hour in the evening watching a part of a series streaming on my computer after I’ve finished working for the day. It’s kind of a personal reward for getting up and writing for 8 or 10 hours straight. I realize that up to this point I’ve given away very little about myself on this blog. I will endeavor to change that. To that end let me start over.

I am a professional freelance writer working out of my house. Most of my work comes from contract positions writing up guides and reviews as well as small advertisements and various content for small business websites. Ever wonder where people found the time to write introductions to business websites or responses to just about any search engine term you could type in? That’s me and a legion of others. Mostly we are people who have a great love of the written word but for one reason or other are unable to find full time employment with larger writing firms or teams. Some people live in small towns too far away from any major centers of commerce to work in an office atmosphere; others do it as a part time supplement to their primary income, and yet more work in this fashion because they have no other option.

The third category is where I fit in. I began to show signs of some sort of gastrointestinal disorder at the age of 9. My parents took me from one doctor to another; some said it was in my head, a possibility given that I was emotionally volatile from a very young age; laughing one minutes and crying the next. Other physicians said I was faking it to avoid attending school. Again this was a possibility as I was the only Yankee attending school in a small, backwater, and very southern town. Consequently I was picked on and ridiculed just about every day. Its understandable that I wanted to limit my exposure to other people of my own age as much as possible.

After several years worth of pain and anguish on my part my parents finally conceded the fact that I might have been ill. To this day the most that can be said is that I have some sort of chronic gastrointestinal disorder that causes me crippling pain on a daily basis and prevents me from leaving the house most of the time. I won’t recount the war of attrition that school was. The pain, shame, embarrassment, and fear I experienced every school day. I could probably fill books with it if I hadn’t mentally repressed most of the memories.

I still think about it and wonder what those children were thinking when they picked on me and threatened me, sticking their chests out and strutting around like cockerels. I am a very big person, always have been. I’m currently standing at 6 feet and 6 inches; I was roughly a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier than any other boy I went to school with for most of my life. Admittedly I was overweight and had poor stamina, but at the age of 10 I was strong enough to pick up and carry my own father, who was well built himself. Yet they would pick on me as if I was some sort of weakling. It’s a good thing I was not at all aggressive as a child and sought to resolve disputes through words, rather than my fists.

I tend to kick myself over the whole thing now. If I had taken a few of them down a peg or two I would’ve been doing Darwin’s work in improving the gene pool. Ideally the dumb ones shouldn’t live long enough to breed. Funnily enough I look back on that time as a lost opportunity to get away with some serious damage while being underage and not subject to prosecution as an adult.

In any case what I’m trying to say is that I’m in a great deal of pain and can’t leave my home most days, negating any other line of employment.

While I do have a great love of the written word and have always written for my own enjoyment, I wanted most to be a psychologist. The human mind has been a great mystery to me for as long as I can remember. I don’t know why, but I’ve never understood human interaction and the thousand and one unspoken cues that it entails. Maybe I was brain damaged as a child, maybe I’m actually the spawn of an alien species, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I was gifted with a greater than average intellect and a very analytical mindset. I bounced from one career path or another as a child, as most children do. But found I had a bit of a knack for interpreting people’s interactions and figuring out why they acted the way they did. I did so in a very straightforward and logical process rather than an empathic or emotional one, making my insights pretty accurate. Also I have a very dour and solemn demeanor, regardless of how I’m feeling. I’m actually a very sensitive and emotional person, I just don’t show it on my face or in my body language, never have. I guess people liken me to a priest. They’re always confiding in me. My schoolmates, my teachers, my co-workers. Everyone always opens up to me regardless of how well I know them, and whether or not I actually want to hear about their problems. It gave me a lot of practice over the years so I thought I would put it to good use.

I managed to get through high school and college, despite the fact that I had to home school and teach myself most of the time as my attendance was sketchy at best. I even graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Psychology. Too bad my guidance counselor was a senile old bat who hadn’t noticed the world had changed since the 50s. There were no job opportunities for someone who had no guarantees he would be able to get to work on any given day. I ended up working at my old job I had taken between college semesters working at a department store. My manager was an alcoholic so as long as I kept giving her a few bottles of the good stuff for every holiday and birthday she didn’t care if I was able to get to work each day. I am sad to say that, despite her personal problems, she was the best boss I’ve ever had.

After almost 2 years of taking abuse from the walking stiffs that we called customers (my town is largely a retirement community full of people from New York and New Jersey) I had had enough. (On a side note if you’ve ever seen the original Dawn of the Dead by George Romero, you’ll know exactly the sort of customers I’m talking about. The only difference between them and the zombies is that nobody will arrest you for shooting a zombie) I was making less than 300 bucks a week, wasting money on gas and dry cleaning for my suits at work, and had nothing to show for it except sore feet from standing 12 hour shifts. I was still living with my parents and just barely getting by. I quit the next day and starting writing for a living.

Don’t get me wrong. The job is not easy as you have to be very cut throat, meet tough deadlines, fight to get work, fight to get paid, and drum up your own business. But I’ll take it over the old rat race any day.

Having brought you up to speed with what I do and basically who I am I will continue with my initial statements. I was addicted to anime and watching them before bed each night. I was watching a new one called Utawarerumono. The exact translation of the name was beyond me, but the art, the storyline, I was in love with the entire thing…Until the second to last episode. The crowning glory of this series was the characters. They were funny, quirky, human, and lovable. After the first few episodes it felt like you knew them personally. (At this point you might want to stop reading for fear of story spoilers)

In any case, in the second to last episode before the final showdown between the mysterious amnesiac hero and the shadowy villain, the hero regains his memory. There is a flashback, in which the hero remembers a time long ago, in a post apocalyptic future. Mankind is forced to live beneath the surface of the earth because of its poisonous atmosphere, despite the fact that other flora and fauna lived in a naturist paradise.

The main character was a test subject who’d been discovered wandering the surface world. He was imprisoned in a research facility populated with human/animal hybrids that the facility overseers had engineered in an attempt to create human genome possessing life forms that could live on the surface. These hybrids were essentially human, with human feelings, emotions, and tendencies. Despite this they were treated more poorly than animals, their humanity was denied, they weren’t even given names.

One of the hybrids, a beautiful young girl befriended and eventually fell in love with the main character. They staged a breakout and fled to the surface world, where they lived for well over a year and had a child. One day they were caught. The hero was shot with a tranquilizer dart while the atmosphere-suit clad humans descended upon the woman and baby in her arms. The look of fear and shrieks of the mother as the child was ripped from her arms still haunts my dreams.

The husband awoke to find himself in the research facility again, strapped to a table. The head scientist of the facility came in to check on him. The hero immediately cried out to his wife. The scientist calmly replied that since she was the first of her kind to successfully bear a child, she had to be studied… She was dissected.

At that point I lost the capacity for reason and roared like a wounded beast. I tore through my room and ran to the garage where I have a heavy punching bag. I wailed on that bag for well over an hour, stopping only when my vision was too blurred with sweat and tears to see the bag. The knuckles of my fists were bereft of skin, blood smeared the bags, but I couldn’t have cared less. All I saw was red.

The anime did not show the dissection thankfully, but my imagination generated images which I don’t doubt were worse than any visual artist could’ve rendered. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a very emotional person at times, but the last time I reacted in this fashion was when I was working as a bouncer in a club when I was attending college. On my first night a drunken idiot tried to grab one of the dancers on stage. She stayed calm and waited for help while I was waved in to take care of the problem. I gave him a verbal warning as was required, repeating it in Spanish as his friends were speaking Spanish to him. When he did not respond I grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him down. As he came down he spun around to face me, triggering the switchblade knife that he had concealed in his other hand. He drove it right for my heart.

I managed to get an arm in the way to deflect the knife, though the blade cut deeply into my forearm. The only thing after that which I remember was another bouncer tackling me.

After the man was taken away by police for assault with a deadly weapon and one of the bouncers bandaged my arm, the head bouncer explained what had happened. I had a “red out” as he called it. Basically when some people are hurt or wounded they lose their minds with their anger, responding with maximum violence. I had broken the man’s wrist, which was holding the knife, then dislocated his shoulder, shattered his nose, clothes lined him to the ground, and then proceeded to jump up and down on his chest, shattering his ribs. It was at that point that another bouncer tackled me to stop me from killing that man.

Obviously I was not cut out to be a bouncer as I “Did more damage than I prevented” in the words of my boss.

This time I was not hurt, but it felt as though someone I knew and cared about had been violated in the most heinous and terrible way possible. That woman had not even been treated as a human being when she was killed.

I have a very strong and overdeveloped protective instinct toward women. I know it’s not politically correct to say so given that women are considered equal to men, but it’s just how I am. Perhaps it’s the result of trying to keep an abusive father from harming an emotionally vulnerable mother. She’s called me a big guard dog on more than one occasion. It’s just that violence against women sets me off like nothing else.

A day later and I still tremble with rage at the memory of what I saw; the mental image won’t leave me. I slept for only a few hours that night, waking up to bandage my hands before trying to get on with my day. The more and more I thought about it, the more I had to get it out. Writing has always been my chosen method of expressing myself and I thank anybody for their time whose read this far as there is a point to this ramble aside from telling you about myself.

After much rumination I realized that the purpose of art is to evoke a response, to generate emotion in the viewer. Not all art is beautiful, not all life is beautiful, and nevertheless it should be recognized for its value in portraying the full spectrum of human existence, emotion, and life. While my response was indeed extreme and unpleasant, it is representative of part of the human experience. Were this art form portrayed in a less skillful fashion I probably would not have identified with the characters and responded as I did. Feelings of loss, rage, and a sense of helplessness and being unable to do anything to stop it. These are common, though regrettable, emotions resulting from life experiences.

In this I must applaud anime as an able and powerful art form which I shall continue to patronize and would suggest you do the same. It is important to be aware that anime is not something intended solely for children. Not every story has a happy ending and indeed you may experience something akin to what I have described as you watch one series or other. While at times it may be painful, one would not be whole without experiencing and taking in the negative as well as the positive aspects of life, the same as with any true art form.

Now if I can only come to terms with the look of fear on that woman’s face that has burned itself into my mind’s eye.